Conflicted and Confused ...

Ever been right AND wrong at the same time? Ahhh, I got you, thats kind of a trick question, because afterall, who gets to decide what is right and what is wrong. Seriously though we each choose what we feel to be right, thats just the way it has to be. There is no true peace without that ability. Without the ability to choose and to believe we are hollow.

Let me get to the core here. My life has fairly frequently showed me that often times the is a rift between what we "want" and what is "attainable".

Now the trick is figuring out when what is attainable fits. Sometimes what is attainable fills you up and makes your circle complete, it doesn't necessarily need to be exactly the way you "want" it to be.

Other times what is attainable, is just something that gets you close to where you want to be, but it won't allow you to quite complete that circle. I believe we encounter that frequently in life, and then human nature kicks in, and we struggle and pull and try to "change" it into that thing that will get us where we want to be. This is foolish and ends up causing heartache and pain. Regret closely follows, as we sit and question "how the hell did I get here" ... we got there by ignoring the facts ... we got there by not being honest with ourselves and examining our needs and being true to our personality ...

Off Days ...

Ok, so here's the deal ... I was reminded today that sometimes things that are very small in the grand scope of things can have a large effect on your mood at times. I do not understand that fully, it seems to defy logic, but it is how it is. Annoyance is very difficult for me to deal with as an individual. I have faced some big dissapointment in life, I know anger, I feel fear, and sadness has crept in without warning on more than one occasion ... and I think I handle all of those things pretty well, rarely does it seem to break my stride ... I just "deal with it" and carry on, it is life afterall, and there are more important things than the negative to focus on. That is probably what frustrates me about Annoyances, I find them to be particularly troubling because often time they are too "small" to warrant any real action, but just "big" enough to cause discomfort .... This, I do not like, it causes me to spin and begin to wrestle with my own thought process. Afterall, if something is disturbing it seems to go against the grain to leave it be and not do ANYTHING about it ... Yet jumping on every single issue and trying to clean every little detail in life up, is just silly and maddening. There is not enough energy in the day to handle that, that energy should be conserved for the big things that really matter ..... Annoyance annoys me