Scars ...

Papa Roach sings a song that I really like ... its called Scars ... Unfortunately it has become a bit of a mantra for me. I will include the lyrics for those of you that are unfamiliar ...

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed 'cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much and
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much and
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
[But you didn't understand]
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much and
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much and
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

this song illustrates the lesson that my first long-term relationship/marriage taught me very vividly and painfully ... It is almost aas if it were written by me at the tail end of that mess ... the problem is that there are characteristics, or side-effects of living through such a thing that I struggle with. I now know what it is like to NOT be oblivious ..... I now know what it is like to have REASON to not trust someone that you "should" trust ... Most of all I now realize that I care too much ...

Problem is, I don't want to care less ...