Simple Complexity

 

I fancy myself normal~ish

I have the ability to be a freak, or cuh-rayze, or irresponsi​ble, or selfish ... These impulses exist within me at varying levels and frequency ... but I choose to regulate those impulses to the best of my ability

 

I said to the best of my ability. I didn't claim to be a success story

 

I am aware of my weakness​es. The primary one lies in my what I call my contentmen​t reflex.

I tend to find a way to adapt to my environmen​t, {find my sweetspot} and ease myself into a routine. I get annoyed when that routine changes, but I either ignore the change if its temporary, or adjust if it isn't, and roll with the new "routine".

 

I find that way too often, I forget that other people are not like me, and they need other things.Many people actually want change, sometimes even crave the disruption, and welcome the feeling that a non-routine life brings them.

 

I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that admittedly. I think this is mostly because my whole life thusfar has been shaped by disruption​. These disruptions have been caused either myself directly or have thrust upon me by circumstan​ce. Not enough patience and time to detail these disruptions right now.

 

For the purposes of this blog the important thing to note is that since I was very young (probably 5 or 6 years old) I have longed for stability and some sort of routine. This longing is what burns at my center and keeps my head focused on the goal of having normalcy, and a good old fashioned drama free existance. This existance has been at the tip of my finger tips at times it has seemed, but has eluded me for one reason or another.

 

My wish it seems has finally been granted. I have that normalcy in my life now. I am so blessed in so many areas, and it is a relief and a frightening thing all at the same time. I get concerned that my longing for normalcy thrusts my parter into a place of boredom. My loved ones are what give me my strength and what fuel my desire to keep life stable. The stability that I provide, and work for, is not meant to be restrictive or cumbersome for the people I love. There are times that I fear it is.

My Wife...

She is strong but kind. She is emotional but practical. She is a dreamer that refuses to abandon reality.

She often asks me why I love her, or what I love about her ... Today, I can sum it up in one word ... balance.

She is a blend of so many wonderful qualities, but everyone has special qualities, that alone doesn't make a person extrordinary. It  is very rare to find someone that has balance, or even the ability to attempt to achieve it. My wife possesses extraordinary balance.

I love her very much.

Reality Bites!!

Being a Pisces is something I have always thought was very cool, by nature we are the dreamers ... the kind, understanding, forgiving, head in the clouds ... artist types. I have always enjoyed that wide streak in my personality, but that blessing has a bit of a curse attached to it. That curse has a name, its called reality. You see, allowing yourself to dream is cool, I would say even necessary. It allows you to find your true potential, but there is a fine line that you must be wary of... if you allow yourself to get caught up in the fantasy, and lose sight of the reality of your situation, then disappointment hits like a ton of bricks.

Sense of urgency

I am constantly wondering how it is that most people seem to muddel through life armed with apathy in one hand and an excuse in the other. Somehow they manage to make it through, and one of the most popular shield-phrases used by this vast majority is "don't take it so seriously" or "give me a break" ... when the reality is that they don't take it seriously enough and give themselves enough of a break to cover half a dozen people ... I am so sad that effort is so difficult for people to muster. The only thing that truly stops a person from accomplishing anything in life is the inability to exert the proper effort.

As usual there is the issue of balance and caution must be used so overcorrection doesn't occur ... and saying  enough and pushing just enough to help those that need and deserve it is a worthy task. Unfortunately, if it is rejected, you are left to retreat and allow them to suffer the enevitable conclusion of their chosen actions.

Characters and their Character ... follow up

    Thinking about my last post, and more questions roll around in my head. Maybe it is just me, but it seems that the saying "nice guys finish last" is true to life. Upon reflecting, I can't help but have a chicken-egg type internal tug of war with the Dr. Perry personality type. What I mean is, did he choose to be that way, or was he transformed into what he is by life itself? I realize using the term "nice guy" doesn't really fit in the Dr. Perry character description, but sometimes life can harden you, even if its not what you wish. Sometimes it is all just too much to put up with, especially while others are content leaving their share for "the next person" (who is equally content leaving it ... and so on and so on) ... So instead of feeling sorry for Hank, I think that people need to take the time to notice Perry. Perry doesn't need anyone to feel sorry for him, he just longs for a hand once in a while and a little bit of respect. People are quick to give that energy away analyzing excuses and feeling pitty for the Hank-types, and then they have nothing left for the Perry-types, nothing but another list of to-dos or favors. Afterall we wouldn't ask Hank because he would just let us down anyhow, but he still rates higher on the attention scale.

Characters and their character

    I had previously vowed to type a "why I hate Hank Moody" blog, I have decided the best way to make my actual point is to make a comparison between Hank Moody (Californication) and Dr. Perry Cox (Scrubs).

    Let me start by giving you a snap-shot view of my basic take of each character on the surface.
   
    Hank is the cool writer guy. He has this edgy vibe that says, I'm cool, and I just don't give a damn what anyone thinks. His relationships (if you can really use that word) are a mess. He is hopelessly in love (if you can really use that word) with his baby-mama Karin, but he can never keep his idiot reflex in check. At least not long enough to string together any real hope of keeping her at his side. As stated he is a mess, yet everyone seems to want to be connected to Hank in some way. Women want him, men want to be like him, young people idolize him, his peers look at him with some wierd admiration as if they wish they could live like him. He has a pretty cool daughter, a great baby-momma, and a bunch of friends that seem to gravitate toward him.

    Dr. Perry Cox is a self proclaimed narcissistic, emotional cripple, that seems to thrive on the suffering of others. He tortures those that admire him, he throws himself out in the open for those who don't like him, and would go to great lengths to take any, and every, shot possible at him (which is a long list of people). He has issues with authority. He has issues with mediocrity. He has issues finding a way to be social. Hell, he has issues with what the majority of us would term "normalcy" in general. He has an ex-wife that he secretly loves and adores, but prefers to trade insults back and forth with instead of sharing his true feelings. He has very few (if any) real friends because he refuses to let his guard down, and his peers, see him as a jerk that they only interact with when they have to. He struggles to have time with his son, his wife is a damaged mess at best, and he couldn't bribe people to hang out with him (he actually tried in one episode and failed).

    Long story short, Hank is admittedly damaged, but he is cool. He is "likeable". Perry on the other hand is also damaged, but not in that "cool way". He is a "jerk".

    So lets have a deeper look shall we ... Hank has left a wake of shattered hopes and dreams in his wake. He jumps from bed to bed no matter who gets hurt. There is a total lack of regard for everyone involved from his ever-patient daughter, to his frustrated baby-momma, to his friends who just want him to be happy and successful. He doesn't even have enough respect for himself to act like anything more than a childish jackass (on a good day). He has a child that loves him, she has begged repeatedly for him to grow up and stop hurting her, and everyone else around him. He has a baby-momma that left a decent man at the alter and has repeatedly turned her life inside out simply because of hope. Hope that he might just take a second to realize how much she cares about him and reciprocate. His friends see him squander opportunity after opportunity that falls into his lap.

    Perry on the other hand can't seem to get out of his own way. He is tirelessly dedicated to his work. He secretly does everything he can think of to make his ex-wife/baby-mama happy. He watches over all his co-workers/understudies (closest thing to friends in his life) when they aren't looking and quietly does everything he can to guide them to success. He does not give them answers to each and every problem, he gives them the tools to figure out the answer on their own. He teaches them without them even realizing they are being taught. He takes bullets for them when they don't even know they have been fired. He listens to them and adjusts when necessary (even though he doesn't allow that to show either). He is man enough to admit when he makes a mistake, and he is wise enough to offer a piece of knowledge at just the right time to help clarify a murkey situation. He works harder that the rest, and takes the harder path and uses the knowledge gained to make the path easier for those that follow.

    To bottom line this these two characters are BOTH a mess. They each have glaring issues, but the key differance in the two comes down to a one thing. Hank is breathing, walking, talking selfishness. In nearly every situation he is faced with he chooses himself first, and then he expects pitty and forgiveness. Perry acts tough and pushes people away, but rarely fails them. He doesn't let anyone down, even though there isn't any kind of reward attached to the outcome. He is so unselfish that he doesn't even know how to put himself first when he should, which is his greatest torment.

    So we have Hank, who would walk on anybody at anytime to get what he wants, and he is "embraced" and "celebrated" for being cool, and edgy, and hip. Then we have Perry who gives more than he should, and goes out of his way to shield others from lifes arrows when necessary, and light a fire under their ass when needed to help them reach their potential. Perry isn't embraced as anything more than a jerk or a jackass. When did the balance shift, and society decide that mocking and thumbing your nose at honesty and effort was a good thing, while embracing laziness and selfish behavior?

    I have two questions ... Why is the default setting to "like" a Hank, and "dislike" a Perry? ... and secondly ... Who would you rather be if you could choose? ... would you be the cool rockstar-like Hank Moody, or would you be the tireless workhorse/teacher Dr. Perry Cox?

    I think the honest answer is that most would by far choose the Hank path, and that makes me sad, because imagine a world full of Hanks and what a mess they would create, and without the Perry-types to clean their messes who would accomplish anything? So they are allowed to ride the coattails of those that do realize their potential and do choose to try and give something back, and they get applauded for it. That my friends is a head-scratcher.

Interesting Development

    You know what it is like to have life keeping you on your heels? Seriously, not in that "yeah, I get what your saying man" crap, seriously every time you turn a corner (or think you have), there is a fantastic surprise lurking just around the bend, waiting to alter life just enough to make you step back and reconsider what led you to where you are. I'll take a second and be blunt, I think that is a bunch of shit. I get annoyed with carrying more of the load, and working harder, only to see the rewards of those efforts simply become anonymity or better yet higher expectations. After all that seems like the accepted practice, find someone who will carry the load {quietly if possible}. Save the attention and accolades for those who require them, why waste credit where it is due ... give it to those that need it and demand it and let those that simply do without asking in return to go without .... enough of this preachy rant, I actually have more important things to ponder ... so lets get to it.

    Let me bounce this off of you, why is it that others are so comfortable with expecting, yet are so uncomfortable with giving? I am not talking about occasional moments, I am talking about everyday "norms" here. Follow me here, I'll take you to the next level. Lets analyze my response to the previously described behavior.

    I have a head full of "sayings/teachings" from my days growing up in rural Indiana farmland. I remember them very fondly these days, and make a strong effort to apply them in my daily life. I certainly wish that I had a better understanding of the impact of these teachings and lessons at a younger age, but back when I was young they were just "words". I have learned, over the years, the precious nature of those words and their enormous value. These words all make such simplistic sense these days. Things like ... "Treat others, as you would like to be treated." ... "If you want something in life, work for it, earn it, and make it yours." ... "Be proud of what you have no matter how little it may seem" ... "Do not boast about your accomplishments, possessions, and knowledge, a truly successful person doesn't need to make others aware of such things." ...  "Excuses are a weakness, they have no positive effect in your life." ... In a nutshell these and many other "words" have provided me with the perspective to set my bar.

    Now, I mentioned analyzing my response to the societal disease of "expect but don't give". Admittedly there have been times in my life, where I have bristled at the notion of "fair", but it didn't take long to figure out that "fair" is nothing but an illusion. Perception, consequence, and many other things factor in, and it is quite frankly, a maddening adventure to even seek out "fair" in life. So armed with my trusty teachings, my response was to actually buckle down and work harder. I do not do this in an effort to make things fair, but to actually simplify life. I quickly found, that working harder, when things aren't going smoothly, actually simplified life. So over time my conditioned response to adversity has become extra effort. This provided a positive enough effect on things when the chips were down, but as with all things in life, anything in excess is bad. Excess effort can turn that positive into a negative, by adding fatigue and frustration to the equation. Balance must be maintained, and that can be tricky at times.

    I believe in who I am, and what I've been shown throughout life. These lessons and teachings have given me the confidence to know, that a me first attitude is a lifelong ticket to misery. I have also come to see that being the mule that carries the load, only to be forever taken for granted, is equally foolish. Again comes the quest for balance, and the need to keep shifting, and changing, and rolling with the punches.

    I'll keep turning the other cheek, and trying to be a better man. I find myself thinking occasionally, it would be nice to actually quit absorbing so many freaking punches along the way.   

Just a quick post.

It is a music night and I felt like posting this one.

One of my favorites.

I'm Movin On ~ Rascal Flatts

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons



Finally content with a past I regret


I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness


For once I'm at peace with myself


I have been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long


I'm movin' on






I've lived in this place and I know all the faces


Each one is different but they're always the same


They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it


They'll never allow me to change


But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong


I'm movin' on






I'm movin' on


At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me


And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone


There comes a time in everyone's life


When all you can see are the years passing by


And I have made up my mind that those days are gone






I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't


Stopped to fill up on my way out of town


I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't


I had to lose everything to find out


Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road


I'm movin' on

The best season ...

    I used to be a summertime kinda guy, but these days I have shifted my preference. I really look forward to this time of the year. It kicks off with Mitchell's birthday and Halloween, then comes Thanksgiving, then Emilee's birthday, then Christmas ... and then another brand new year appears out of nowhere, full of possibilities and new memories.

Words

    They tire me, they have no value without some type of emotion or action. It has frequently occured to me that the more knowledge we posses, the less we actually have to say.

    Funny, I find myself speaking frequently, and for extended periods of time ... so to apply my recent logic, I must be lacking quite a bit of knowledge. Interesting thought, I dunno, maybe it doesn't compute, but there is the possibility that we speak to learn. Maybe we speak from fear. Maybe we speak because we simply dont know what else to do.

My Center

    Tonight is a music night. Music is a soul cleansing thing. It is where I go to find my center. It tends to ground me and slow me down. Below is a link to a tune that is one of my favs. It is actually from the soundtrack to a movie I tripped across many years ago called Beautiful Girls. The movie has a lot of star power, but was relatively unknown. I dig the movie, I dig the soundtrack. Check out both if you would like.

Beautiful Girl

The Secret

    There is a movie, that my mother first introduced me to, called The Secret. It is a very interesting, self-help type movie, that is filled with wisdom and common sense. If you have not seen it, I urge you to take the time to sit through it and really take the time to process the information that is outlined. Prior to watching The Secret, I was exposed to a similar movie named What The Bleep Do We Know, I also highly recommend it. Food for thoughts definately.

Strength ...

There is an old quote that states ... "behind every good man, is a great woman" ... I have been thinking about that statement. Most of my life, even dating back to my childhood, I have seen examples of that being the reality. My Grandma Opal is the personification of that statement. My Grandfather Carmel is without a doubt a man that I (as well as anyone that knows him) admires and respects. He is strong, kind, and wise. He is the type of man that has never met a stranger, and would take the shirt from his back to help someone he barely knows. What makes a man like that tick? What gives him that level of confidence and pride? My Grandmother is the answer to those questions.

My life has allowed me this example, to see how a great woman can indeed propel a good man to a completely different level.

For the first time in my life over the last year+ I have finally *felt* what that really is. I am so thankful to finally have someone who can exhibit that same selfless and magnificent quality that was first shown me by my wonderful grandmother.

<3 you Jilly.

Riddle me this ... ahh the days of reflection, the days of wondering, questioning, analyzing. I have always been proud of the fact that I pause. I pause to think, before I speak, before I act, before I react. Ahhh but life is nothing, if not a balancing act. It seems that paying too much attention is not productive, yet it is quite obvious, in the behavior of others, that not bothering to pay attention is definitely no better. So the key lies in the balance, without a doubt, and it requires constant effort. One just has to be careful not to be consumed by those efforts. Pay attention to the detail, just don't put too fine a point on it. Some days it is effortless, just falls into place ... other days, not exactly, takes a bit more work, and is definitely more exhausting. Such it is, I still wouldn't trade the responsibility of awareness for the simplicity of ignorance.

I'll leave you with the lyrics from one of my favorites performed by one of the great Alternative Rock Bands.

Alice In Chains : Down in a hole

Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb...in bloom


Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who wont let himself be


Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
Id like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied


Down in a hole and they've put all
The stones in their place
Ive eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty
Of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more
Of my feelings beneath


Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
Id like to fly but my
Wings have been so denied


Bury me softly in this womb
Oh I want to be inside of you
I give this part of me for you
Oh I want to be inside of you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers (oh I want to be inside of you)
In a tomb...in bloom


Oh I want to be inside...


Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, outta control


Id like to fly but my
Wings have been so denied

Rest In Peace ... Layne Staley

Behind Blue Eyes ...

The Who (a band I am not really overly fond of) wrote a song many years before I was born with the title Behind Blue Eyes. I recently found a remade version by Limp Bizkit (who I am not really a big fan of either) ... that was, in my opinion, a great cover. Funny how that works, 2 bands I could do without .... great tune, oh well, thats how it goes sometimes.

Enough about who wrote it, sang it, remade it, or any of that nonsense ... It is a song that drills into my soul. It touches a part of me deep down. Of course music (or any other type of art) has different meanings for each of us. So obviously its really all about interpretation, but what the hell, how about a few of my observations.

For me this song speaks to the evils of even the purest of intentions. It also stands to remind me that the majority of people shuttle through life completely unaware of the affect that their thoughts, choices, and words have on others. Throughout the song it points to the isolation that is created by actually being aware of what lies beneath the surface.

It is quite simply brilliant.

Learning to be ...

I have been gone for a while .... gone from my blog ... gone from my processing point. I find however that the thoughts remain. Those thoughts just don't manage to get sorted, and processed, effectively. I will compare it to waiting too long to balance the checkbook. Everything is there, just takes a while to sort through it all, when its left to pile up.

Lets get started shall we ... I have been processing what my idea of being a person is .... is that a general enough statement? I'll clarify, being a parent, being a partner, being a family member, being a friend, being a coworker, being an individual ... these are all slightly different roles that are lumped into one human being. On some days they are hard to juggle.

I just re-read that list of "roles" a couple times, and took note of the order that I subconsciously chose to type them in.

I considered reversing the order of parent/ partner briefly, but it honestly doesn't matter which is first, they are a tie in my value scale. After those two items, that is basically the priority level that things get broken into for me.

Being a parent is something that I am extremely proud of. I can not imagine life without the opportunity to teach, and guide, these precious young minds. Their thirst for knowledge rejuvenates me. Their insistence on knowing the answer, and stubbornness when it comes to their understanding of right and wrong, impresses me. They are a blessing to watch grow and mature.

Being a partner is something that I work on everyday. I view myself as a "companionship" personality type. I never doubted, even at a young age, that I wanted to have a companion to share life with. I sifted through various changes of scenery growing up ... I literally witnessed both extremes on the companionship scale, while growing up. Examples that ranged from life-long partners logging in 50-60 (and counting) years together, to people rolling in and out of the door at a whim, as if one table, or face, was no different than the next. Strangely there was never any confusion on my part. I simply pitied those that didn't find regularity or stability, and admired more and more each day, those that found that comfort in the simple pleasures of life, and relief, from that common companionship. No one is perfect by the furthest stretch of the imagination, so I am not saying that I ever expected only peace and harmony, from a strong partnership. As a matter of fact I made some terrible mistakes as I began to attempt to "settle down". I was foolish, and arrogant, in my attitude regarding my "understanding" of relationships. I, more simply put, thought I knew what it took to "make it work". I thought I had a grip on which identifiers, and more importantly, which "red flags" were important when choosing that person to walk through life with. I could not have been much more wrong, as it turns out. Life has tought me some very painful lessons pertaining to my early choices. I work each day to better myself, based on what I have been shown. I also have been granted the clarity to see through the darkness, and find a true partner. My jilly is (to use her term) "my person" ... someone that I have dedicated my life to, and will work each day for the rest of my life, to honor and cherish.

Being a family member is very simple to summarize for me. I have always had an undeniable pride in who I am, and where I come from. I have a fierce loyalty to my family members. Even those that I do not agree with or cannot seem to figure out, have a link that cannot be broken. There are differing degrees of connection, but at the end of the day there is an unbreakable, undeniable connection that simply exists, no matter the climate.

Being a friend is very similar to the family bond for me, yet it has a bit of a fragile nature to it, that the family bond isn't subject to. In exchange for that frailty there is a side effect ... those that I call friend and that choose to call me friend complete a special bond. It is a bond that requires maintenance occasionally and respect at all times, but when it is looked after properly, it is intense. Once it blossoms it strips all boundaries, and has the ability to bring calm during even the worst of storms.

Being a coworker, seems like a trivial thing, but I do take stock of it occasionally. I feel that the "team" mentality is necessary for success in life. The workplace is the most evident example of this. What can any one hope to accomplish without the help and cooperation of the other team members? Sure many leaders and "strong" personality types can find some measure of success while lugging most of the burden alone ... but a strong team will ALWAYS succeed, no matter the weakness of an individual member. I choose to be conscious of this, because no matter what distance I can cover alone, I am certain I can go even further with a good supporting cast.

Being an individual .... that is a tough one really. I spend a lot of time dissecting my personal behavior. I tend to find that if I am paying attention to the other paragraphs above it generally takes care of my personal needs and balances my soul. I still can't help but take stock periodically and reflect on what it truly means .... to be.

Wind of Change

Music speaks to my soul. So often I find that the music that spins round and round in my head, is tied directly to the what is going on in my life. A more accurate statement may be that it reflects my attitude about the events I am watching unfold from day to day.

Awhile back I posted a blog siting Outshined (Soundgarden) ... there has been one that made referance to Scars (Papa Roach) ... there have been many other songs that have dominated the last several years of my life and in large part they have delt with pain and loss and general confusion ... basically they have delt with struggle.

I have been reflecting lately. So much has changed in my life over the last year or so. There has been a resurection of my hopes and dreams. In many ways I am so much happier than I ever imagined possible. The biggest struggle as of late is stopping myself from "worrying that this is all some dream". I am slowly learning to stop worrying about the other shoe dropping, and embrace the day.

I have the most gorgeous, incredible, amazing wife in the world. I have the most amazing children (4 to be exact) to watch grow and learn and become young adults. I find myself for the first time in a very long time firmly excited about life and what it has to offer.

I have some new songs floating around in my head and dominating my thoughts these days. Below is one that has been firmly planted in my head for about 2 weeks now by Kris Allen. The song is titled ... Live Like We're Dying ... and shouldn't we all do a little more of that? Afterall ... Life is not about the minutes you were given, its about what you did with those minutes ... at the end of the day.


Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done

CHORUS:
Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying


And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah


CHORUS (X2)


You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

CHORUS (x2)

Married

I got married. I keep saying it because quite frankly I don't know if it has settled in yet or what. Fact is I LOVE and ADORE my wife. Long before I married her I knew she was my future, so in a way the marriage itself was a matter of destiny. I must admit though, it has a wonderful ring to it. Using the words "my wife", fill me with pride, knowing I have the honor of referring to her in that manner. She is the most incredible woman I have ever known, and I find myself in awe of her strength, beauty, and kindness on a daily basis.

Almost Wedding Time

The wedding is drawing near, I am excited. I look forward to celebrating with our family and friends. I have truly enjoyed helping (what little bit I have) to plan this event. I am so blessed to have met Jill, she is the most amazing woman I have ever known. I look forward to each and every day that I share with her. She has transformed my life in so many ways, just by simply being who she is. I am far from perfect, and so is she, but she is perfect FOR ME. That is the best way I know to summarize how I feel about her. The first word that always pops to mind is perfect. I honestly think that ours is a perfect love, two people with flaws, that when combined become so much more than they could hope to be, standing alone. I love her with all my heart, and will forever and beyond. I cannot wait until the wedding and that moment when she officially becomes my wife.

Simple Complexity

I must admit that I am guilty of over-thinking. I am am frequently reminded when debating a topic that I have an odd perspective on most things. I find that while I can generally understand how others view things, I consistently catch myself coming from a different angle.

This can be very tiring indeed. Mentally it is taxing at times, to be trying to explain your point of view, and also have people seemingly compelled to explain their views as though you are incapeable of understanding.

Now I realize that it is a fine line that I am describing whereby simply expressing a different opinion generally prompts people to explain. This is compounded by having strong feelings and speaking with passion.

I had the pleasure of sharing company with a wise man last night that will be marrying Jilly and I. He is the type of guy that has a million wise words/thoughts to ponder, if you take the time to catch the bits he throws out.

One thing I noticed on a couple occasions during our conversation with him was that he made mention of "proper communication" and "good listening skills" and he seemed to stress the importance of talking to people not talking AT people. I believe he chose to use the term "trumpeting something out".

I enjoy being reminded of these things. Communication is something that I truly believe that people do not pay nearly enough attention to. It is far too easy to get wrapped up in our own "way" to take the time to actually consider other people and their "way".