Learning to be ...

I have been gone for a while .... gone from my blog ... gone from my processing point. I find however that the thoughts remain. Those thoughts just don't manage to get sorted, and processed, effectively. I will compare it to waiting too long to balance the checkbook. Everything is there, just takes a while to sort through it all, when its left to pile up.

Lets get started shall we ... I have been processing what my idea of being a person is .... is that a general enough statement? I'll clarify, being a parent, being a partner, being a family member, being a friend, being a coworker, being an individual ... these are all slightly different roles that are lumped into one human being. On some days they are hard to juggle.

I just re-read that list of "roles" a couple times, and took note of the order that I subconsciously chose to type them in.

I considered reversing the order of parent/ partner briefly, but it honestly doesn't matter which is first, they are a tie in my value scale. After those two items, that is basically the priority level that things get broken into for me.

Being a parent is something that I am extremely proud of. I can not imagine life without the opportunity to teach, and guide, these precious young minds. Their thirst for knowledge rejuvenates me. Their insistence on knowing the answer, and stubbornness when it comes to their understanding of right and wrong, impresses me. They are a blessing to watch grow and mature.

Being a partner is something that I work on everyday. I view myself as a "companionship" personality type. I never doubted, even at a young age, that I wanted to have a companion to share life with. I sifted through various changes of scenery growing up ... I literally witnessed both extremes on the companionship scale, while growing up. Examples that ranged from life-long partners logging in 50-60 (and counting) years together, to people rolling in and out of the door at a whim, as if one table, or face, was no different than the next. Strangely there was never any confusion on my part. I simply pitied those that didn't find regularity or stability, and admired more and more each day, those that found that comfort in the simple pleasures of life, and relief, from that common companionship. No one is perfect by the furthest stretch of the imagination, so I am not saying that I ever expected only peace and harmony, from a strong partnership. As a matter of fact I made some terrible mistakes as I began to attempt to "settle down". I was foolish, and arrogant, in my attitude regarding my "understanding" of relationships. I, more simply put, thought I knew what it took to "make it work". I thought I had a grip on which identifiers, and more importantly, which "red flags" were important when choosing that person to walk through life with. I could not have been much more wrong, as it turns out. Life has tought me some very painful lessons pertaining to my early choices. I work each day to better myself, based on what I have been shown. I also have been granted the clarity to see through the darkness, and find a true partner. My jilly is (to use her term) "my person" ... someone that I have dedicated my life to, and will work each day for the rest of my life, to honor and cherish.

Being a family member is very simple to summarize for me. I have always had an undeniable pride in who I am, and where I come from. I have a fierce loyalty to my family members. Even those that I do not agree with or cannot seem to figure out, have a link that cannot be broken. There are differing degrees of connection, but at the end of the day there is an unbreakable, undeniable connection that simply exists, no matter the climate.

Being a friend is very similar to the family bond for me, yet it has a bit of a fragile nature to it, that the family bond isn't subject to. In exchange for that frailty there is a side effect ... those that I call friend and that choose to call me friend complete a special bond. It is a bond that requires maintenance occasionally and respect at all times, but when it is looked after properly, it is intense. Once it blossoms it strips all boundaries, and has the ability to bring calm during even the worst of storms.

Being a coworker, seems like a trivial thing, but I do take stock of it occasionally. I feel that the "team" mentality is necessary for success in life. The workplace is the most evident example of this. What can any one hope to accomplish without the help and cooperation of the other team members? Sure many leaders and "strong" personality types can find some measure of success while lugging most of the burden alone ... but a strong team will ALWAYS succeed, no matter the weakness of an individual member. I choose to be conscious of this, because no matter what distance I can cover alone, I am certain I can go even further with a good supporting cast.

Being an individual .... that is a tough one really. I spend a lot of time dissecting my personal behavior. I tend to find that if I am paying attention to the other paragraphs above it generally takes care of my personal needs and balances my soul. I still can't help but take stock periodically and reflect on what it truly means .... to be.