2010 A look forward ....

My Jilly Bean does an annual year in review blog. I enjoy her reflection and observations of the year past, but I find my brain focused on the year to come. I have large amounts of the last couple years, and for that matter the last several years that I would prefer to forget. Let me be perfectly clear, however, there have been many blessings and glimpses of hope, there have been life-changing wonderful moments, but those moments have been mixed with some very negative and ugly injustices (mostly caused by some very negative and truly ugly people)... I feel that that shroud has finally been lifted.

There are a couple key reasons for this feeling of promise and I would like to take a moment to note them.

One factor is my attitude, I have learned (very painfully at times) that no matter how hard you try, or how certain you are that you are doing what is right; there can occasionally be forces at work that will simply not allow things to be as they should. I have always known the previous statement was true, but finding that balance between not giving up and always giving your best, and knowing when you have done all that you can, was something that I have had to improve on. I think my default setting is to try harder and put forth more effort, and usually that produces good results. When it doesn't, I have learned to be comforted by the knowledge that I truly gave my all, and have the ability to learn and grow from any mistakes made along the way.

The second and most important factor is my Jilly. She is without a doubt the most amazing woman I have ever known. She is not without flaws (no human being is) and that is part of what makes her so special, her ability to understand that simple fact. She is constantly putting others ahead of herself. She is a fantastic mother, and a superb partner. One look into her eyes, and I am reassured that no matter what, things will be just fine. She has seen me at my weakest, and she has propped me up. She has shown me her vulnerabilities without reservation, and it has helped me to understand and admire her more. She is everything and MORE than I could ever imagine a companion to be. This year 2010 is the year that she will become my wife. My happily ever after officially begins when she and I exchange those vows and pledge our lives to one another. I say "officially" because the fact is that I pledged myself to her long ago and she has owned my heart I think since long before I ever knew her.

There is a plan, many will scoff at me saying that, but it is true. I don't just believe it, I KNOW it. I will not pretend to understand why my path has been laid out this way, but it is MY path, and I have finally found the person that was meant to walk it along side me. I am excited for each new day going forward, and I am blessed beyond my capacity for words.