Simple Complexity

 

I fancy myself normal~ish

I have the ability to be a freak, or cuh-rayze, or irresponsi​ble, or selfish ... These impulses exist within me at varying levels and frequency ... but I choose to regulate those impulses to the best of my ability

 

I said to the best of my ability. I didn't claim to be a success story

 

I am aware of my weakness​es. The primary one lies in my what I call my contentmen​t reflex.

I tend to find a way to adapt to my environmen​t, {find my sweetspot} and ease myself into a routine. I get annoyed when that routine changes, but I either ignore the change if its temporary, or adjust if it isn't, and roll with the new "routine".

 

I find that way too often, I forget that other people are not like me, and they need other things.Many people actually want change, sometimes even crave the disruption, and welcome the feeling that a non-routine life brings them.

 

I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that admittedly. I think this is mostly because my whole life thusfar has been shaped by disruption​. These disruptions have been caused either myself directly or have thrust upon me by circumstan​ce. Not enough patience and time to detail these disruptions right now.

 

For the purposes of this blog the important thing to note is that since I was very young (probably 5 or 6 years old) I have longed for stability and some sort of routine. This longing is what burns at my center and keeps my head focused on the goal of having normalcy, and a good old fashioned drama free existance. This existance has been at the tip of my finger tips at times it has seemed, but has eluded me for one reason or another.

 

My wish it seems has finally been granted. I have that normalcy in my life now. I am so blessed in so many areas, and it is a relief and a frightening thing all at the same time. I get concerned that my longing for normalcy thrusts my parter into a place of boredom. My loved ones are what give me my strength and what fuel my desire to keep life stable. The stability that I provide, and work for, is not meant to be restrictive or cumbersome for the people I love. There are times that I fear it is.